March 27th, 2012
Dear Calendar Labelers:
How does one go about applying to have a day dedicated to a cause? Is there a voting process or some sort of special committee who decides whether a cause is worthy of a whole day? What about causes that get an entire month? I heard that November is now “Mo-vember”, aka mustache month in honor of men’s health. Men, take note, I’ve been growing this fine girlie-stache since puppyhood. I also heard that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month… sweet, I’ve got at least six of those, bitches. As an avid supporter of current causes, I’d like to apply for the month of March to be declared “K-9 Colitis Awareness Month”. Yes, doggies sometimes get colitis. And it’s pretty miserable because we don’t feel good and there’s not much our humans can do for us. I hereby cast my vote… all those in favor, please signify by saying ‘aye’ or raising your paw.
Love, Coaster Dog Bebe
P.S. I would have suggested voting via ‘heads down thumbs up’… but given that I don’t have dew claws… well…
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February 15th, 2012
Here are some absolutely amazing photos of dogs diving under water: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150776873218018.502767.393450018017&type=3.
Gorgeous work by Seth Casteel from www.LittleFriendsPhoto.com.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… Dogs are the gods of frolic!
Love, Coaster Dog Mommy Kendra
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February 9th, 2012
Dear Internet,
Thank you for being such an efficient ways for doggies to find their way back home. A few days ago, I managed to escape. It was a glorious day in San Diego and I thought I’d wander down to the pier to see the surf. I made many friends along the way… a police officer who rescued me from being hit by a truck… and some very lovely wet suit shop owners. The shop owners derailed me somewhat from my leisurely stroll and decided to take me in. I was fed like a king (*quite a change from the strict diet Mommies have me on!) and even fitted for my very own K-9 wet suit. But alas, while I was galavanting around Ocean Beach, my mommies were desperately searching for me and smartly posted on the internet that I was “missing”. So, despite the fact that I wasn’t chipped or collared, the shop owners saw the ad and were able to contact the mommies. All is well that ends well… and I had quite an adventure!
Love, Coaster Dog Jax
P.S. Chip, chip, chip! No, not Doritos… MICROCHIP! Check out “Home Again” or AVID, or contact your veterinarian for suggestions. It could be the difference between happy ending and… well we won’t go there.
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February 1st, 2012
Dear Super Skinny Super Models,
Your lifestyle can’t be cheap… I had a recent mishap with injesting Tylenol (not MY fault that it was left out on the counter, looking white and delicious). After a rather exciting car ride to the vet, vomiting was “induced”. I emphasize on the induced part. Tylenol tastes exquisite going in; coming out vis-a-vis forced finger down the throat? Not so yummy and NOT my choice. Okay, whatever, I get it… my liver was in dire circumstances. But then the vetrinariasshole has the audacity to charge an inducement fee at the tune of $89. What the upchuck? So ladies, while I do envy your curves (or lack thereof), I have to question whether bulimia is economical at $89 a pop. Good thing most of you won’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day.
Love, Coaster Dog Ryno
P.S. Yes, my tummy, liver, and throat are fine. My ego is bruised a bit… but as is true with a gnarly case of food poisoning, this did WONDERS for my figure.
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January 19th, 2012
Dear Lefties,
I have an incredible amount of respect for you. You are organized, creative, perceptive, and some might even say genius. Many historic famous people have been left-handed, including my gramma. To honor you each day, I eat my breakfast left to right… in a straight line, from top to bottom. It takes quite a high level of tongue dexterity, not to mention self control when my stomach is growling and grumbling for my delicious low-residue diet breakfast (I have a sensitive tummy, you see). Lefties, I salute you…. with my left paw, of course.
Love,
Coaster Dog Bunny
P.S. Left handedness associated with OCD? I think not. Period. Period. Period. Did I put a period? Better check it again. Again. Again. Okay I checked it again. Now I’m going to go wash my paws.
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October 13th, 2011
Dear Linguists,
Thank you for making the word “snacks” sound so similar to the words “dinner”, “car”, and “walk”. We know when our humans utter those few sacred words, all they really want from their K-9′s is a nice ass wag, some spins, and a lick or two. You’re lucky that “vet” doesn’t sound like “snack”. Otherwise we’d confuse a treat with rabies prevention measures and we might upchuck or piss ourselves.
Love, Coaster Dog Bunny (and snack connoisseur).
P.S. Please don’t be annoyed if you tell us to go to our bed and we wind up playing dead.
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October 4th, 2011
Dear Pride,
You have been wounded so, so deeply. You were trying to be the hero… sailing away to distant shores. Trying to bring back some bling for that HM (*high maintenance) princess. ”What do you mean, you couldn’t find India?!” she yelled. ”Calm down, dear….” we tried to explain, in vain. And then, one swift kick and a stomping of the stiletto. Thank goodness for 24 hour vet services. Facebook update: Coaster Dog Colt has changed his relationship status to ‘Single’.
Love, Coaster Dog Colt
P.S. My sailing days are over; scurvy can suck it.
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September 27th, 2011
Dear Single Friends,
Please do not call me to invite me out for icecream. It’s not my fault that you are having a carb craving for cheese bread and beer. I couldn’t care less that you just broke up with your boyfriend and just “need” to go eat cake. I’m over the moon that you got a promotion and want to celebrate with champagne and caviar. But here’s the deal: I’ve got to fit into this wedding dress for just ONE day. Then it’ll be back to hoovering as usual.
Love, Coaster Dog Lucy
P.S. If you have any foods that increase breast size, I’m all ears.
A message from Coaster Dog Mommy Kendra: This post is dedicated to my dear friend Jenna. Less than five weeks, friend!
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September 26th, 2011
Dear Florence and the Machine,
While the song is definitely catchy and sing-along-able, I completely disagree with your bold statement that the dog days are over. The dog days are just beginning, bitch. We’ve spent the last 547,842 years morphing our DNA into variations perfectly suitable for any type of human. Large, small, short hair, long hair, floppy ears, curly tails, hunters, gatherers, nappers, snappers. So, Flo, give it a rest with the song already. Maybe you’re just mad because you’re a ginger.
Love, Coaster Dog Sasha
P.S. I’ll tell you what is over: summer.
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September 14th, 2011
Dear Cameraman,
It’s difficult to explain the exact duration of time that one can hold a pose. Candid pictures are often times much more flattering and truly capture the light within our eyes. This photo shows the opposite. So there I was in ballet class, showing off the perfect sculpting of my goatee (such a silly word), enhanced by a bit of pomade. ”Smile, Bean!” says the human. Wait for it, wait for it… waiting for it still… *FLASH* OMG, I totally wasn’t ready and now I have the scary-glazed-over look in my eyes. The shame!
Love, Coaster Dog Bean
P.S. Notice the guy in the background? His grande plie is to die for.
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